i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I wish you could order shots online.
only you would photoshop your dick
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
