His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
