I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
