sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Randomize
