he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
