allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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