I'm going to jail i love you
I am in a vortex of obligation.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize
