You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
it was like eating out sand paper
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
