went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I just want to make out with him forever
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
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