i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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