just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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