Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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