I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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