It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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