need another drink. this is the easiest way
The maid of honor just puked.
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
