i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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