Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Randomize
