Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
