You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
