He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
