I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
