So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
