you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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