I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
