if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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