I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
