Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
