Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Randomize
