i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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