Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Blood and glitter go together right?
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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