when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
