Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
ok first of all what the fuck
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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