Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
