there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
i out mim tonsoeep
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
