I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
