I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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