He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize
