i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
