ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
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