god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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