His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Randomize
