My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
handjob tips. give me some.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
