So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
