I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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