Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Randomize
