Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Randomize
