I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
