He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
