just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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