I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
