Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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