just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
