sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I believe in your delicious
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
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