I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
