he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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