you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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