I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
